Consider It All Joy

2012-01-25T10:19:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow I'll be baking away for Ignite, meeting with 2 precious students and Nav Night. We have our Spring Conference, Ignite, this weekend. I'm excited to get to hang out with some of the women I've gotten to spend a lot of time with this semester.

Ruth's Faithfulness in a Nation of Faithlessness

2011-10-25T12:49:00.000-07:00

What a great weekend! We had so much fun as women talking about what it means to be a godly woman. The guys were all off on their own weekend throwing stuff, eating copious amounts of meat, and talking about what it means to be a man. After hearing about their weekend-I'm so glad I'm a girl! Haha!

I gave my first workshop about Ruth's faithfulness in a nation of faithlessness. I was just so struck by her steadfastness in the midst of a season that just seemed impossible. To think of all of the things that she had to go up against and yet she remained faithful to not only Naomi, her mother-in-law, but also to God. God used her life to be a part of the lineage of King David who became Israel's greatest king and eventually a part of the lineage of Jesus the KING. To think that we might not be a part of a royal lineage, but that we are adopted, redeemed and chosen as a part of the KING's lineage.

Jasmine and me during the craft time

2011-09-27T10:41:00.000-07:00

I wrote this a few days ago...

I'm 25 today...kind of a scary number...a quarter of a century...

As I was thinking about what I've accomplished and haven't accomplished I was quickly reminded of what Christ has done in me (which is far greater than what I can ever accomplish myself). Here are a few of my thoughts:
I'm not in debt but I have been saved by grace.
I'm not married but I'm dearly loved.
I don't have children but I have influence over college women.
I don't have a house of my own but He is building me a home.

Lord, thank you for where I am!

Struggling

2011-09-27T10:39:00.000-07:00

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27

When I choose sin as the "easier thing" I am choosing myself. I am choosing to run from His strong tower and throw myself into enemy territory. My selfishness wins. My impatience flares up. My weakness takes over. I have made a choice to neither be strong or wait.

strugglingpresent participle of strug·gle (Verb)

1. Make forceful or violent efforts to get free of restraint or constriction.

2. Strive to achieve or attain something in the face of difficulty or resistance.

How true that definition is when you are in the midst of deciding to sin or not. The last few days I've had some hard conversations with a dear friend about struggling not to fall into more sin and being consumed with the sin she has already done. I've had conversations with myself about not sinning and yet choosing to do it any way. Why? Why do we constantly do what we do not wish to do? (Romans 7:15-20) We obviously have a choice to sin or not and yet we choose it. "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

I think I've come to the conclusion that God doesn't always take away these struggles even though some are really hard and seem like they are a losing battle. I think sometimes He does this so we will reach out to Him. When things seem to be going really well it is easy for me to forget what struggle I just came from to get to that point. It is easy to forget how quickly the struggle can come back and how difficult it is to turn to God if I let myself wallow in the sin.

In the midst of my conversations with my friend and even with myself it is hard not to see the grace that has already been extended but to remain focused on what I've done wrong. We have another choice: to remain focused on what I've done or to choose to look at the Cross and what Christ has done and wants to continue to do in us. This is our process of Sanctification: the part of the Christian life we so dread but how we will rejoice in the end when we look more like Him.

What will I choose today?

2011-08-09T08:20:00.000-07:00

The summer has come to a close it was so weird to close up shop at the Hotel Pigeon Forge where I lived for the last 2 months. With tearful goodbyes to students and staff and promises to see each other soon we all left for home and are getting ready for the fall. The picture to the right is of our last Bible study of the summer.

We've got lots of changes coming up. This fall we will be adding to our staff team: 3 more EDGErs! We'll have 2 alumni coming to join the staff team and a guy from CO. We are so excited to see what God will do with our team, how we will grow and how our ministry will grow. Another change is our previous campus director and his wife are going to seminary and their replacements are 2 FSU alumni and some dear friends of mine with their new baby. I'm excited to see what adventures we will all go on in the coming months.

Summer End

2011-07-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

Whew! It probably was supposed to be a marathon but it sure feels like a sprint. If I'm going with the metaphor I should have paced myself better but...well, that just wouldn't have been as fun! Haha! The summer has been amazing. I love the women I am meeting with and it will be a tearful goodbye in a few days. I can't believe that the summer will be over shortly and I will be going to my parent's house for a few days before returning to campus.

I'm excited to tell stories and to continue to watch and pray for the women I have had the amazing privilege of pouring into this summer.

I Will Always Love You....

2011-06-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

You will see this phrase all over Dolly Parton's theme park, Dollywood. The mascot is a butterfly which graces nearly every surface visible and you will be warmly greeted by 1800's clad college students and retirees. This summer I will be living and working with 140 of Dollywood's finest employees. Each summer Navigator Collegiate Ministries provide an intensive summer growth opportunity called a Summer Training Program (STP). "Smoky Mountain Summer" is one of these programs and is designed so that students are living, playing, working, and learning with other college students for 8-10 weeks in Pigeon Forge, TN. Each student works a full time job during the day and participates in Bible studies, evangelistic outreaches, discipleship groups, ministry training, fellowship, and other activities during the week. These opportunities for fellowship, mentoring, guided experiences, and time in the Word create an ideal environment for students to grow in their relationship with Christ as well as develop ministry skills and leadership qualities. Summer Training Programs are operated and overseen by experienced full-time Navigator Staff. What an exciting time it is to see growth in these students already and get to experience life right along side of them as I live in a hotel room right next to the women I meet with. I am meeting with 4 team leader women and they have been a wonderful blessing. Each of them has their own struggles on their teams, with learning how to lead, or adjusting to living with at least 3 other people in one room. They have such teachable hearts and are willing to learn and grow. I'm excited to see what God does in their hearts and lives.

I will wait...

2011-03-14T16:51:00.000-07:00

One of my very dear friends just posted this link. I think this is so appropriate in encouraging women and men to make the choice to wait for God's perfect. I love the line that says, "I won't be concerned by others remarks about my biological clock."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs&feature=player_embedded#at=446

Ignite 2011- What Did God Do?

2011-02-02T13:22:00.001-08:00

If you took the time to read all of the notes I took this weekend, congrats! It truly was powerful to hear all of the stories Tom shared about God's provision (I didn't include them in the notes). God provided the small things for Tom and his family like a book shelf to housing to several free cars. What a blessing! God doesn't play favorites, so He can do those things for you or me. These are my big take-aways: I can ask God for little and big things, He will answer (not always a "yes"), and I'm not asking big enough.

After each talk there were discussion groups to talk about what we learned. On Friday night several of the girls from the Bible study I'm co-leading were there. I realized as I was looking at them, asking them questions about what promises they were believing that they are the beginning of promises being fulfilled. One of the promises I have been given for my time on EDGE Corps is Isaiah 43:4. Here is what I wrote in my journal later while reading Isaiah 43:

"The promises of God are being fulfilled even now. The other night I realized that the women of the East Side Freshman Study are the beginning of that fulfillment. It doesn't stop with them coming to study but begins there. I haven't walked through California wildfires raging out of control (albeit God is in control) more of small controlled burns. I haven't walked through typhoons more like small Florida hurricanes. I have had trials and the Lord has been with me through them all. God is with me and is bringing women from diverse backgrounds and cultures-I didn't even know what to expect when praying for this promise. Each one is formed and made for His glory." They are being brought from "afar" (aka DC and Tampa). God is giving women in exchange for my life at Florida State. Thank you Lord for these victories, You provide them all.

Isaiah 43:1-19
1 But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel,
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
3 “For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I have given Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your place.
4 “Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love you,
I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life.
5 “Do not fear, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
And gather you from the west.
6 “I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
And to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring My sons from afar
And My daughters from the ends of the earth,
7 Everyone who is called by My name,
And whom I have created for My glory,
Whom I have formed, even whom I have made.”
8 Bring out the people who are blind, even though they have eyes,
And the deaf, even though they have ears.
9 All the nations have gathered together
So that the peoples may be assembled.
Who among them can declare this
And proclaim to us the former things?
Let them present their witnesses that they may be justified,
Or let them hear and say, “It is true.”
10 “You are My witnesses,” declares the LORD,
“And My servant whom I have chosen,
So that you may know and believe Me
And understand that I am He.
Before Me there was no God formed,
And there will be none after Me.
11 “I, even I, am the LORD,
And there is no savior besides Me.
12 “It is I who have declared and saved and proclaimed,
And there was no strange god among you;
So you are My witnesses,” declares the LORD,
“And I am God.
13 “Even from eternity I am He,
And there is none who can deliver out of My hand;
I act and who can reverse it?
14 Thus says the LORD your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel,
“For your sake I have sent to Babylon,
And will bring them all down as fugitives,
Even the Chaldeans, into the ships in which they rejoice.
15 “I am the LORD, your Holy One,
The Creator of Israel, your King.”
16 Thus says the LORD,
Who makes a way through the sea
And a path through the mighty waters,
17 Who brings forth the chariot and the horse,
The army and the mighty man
(They will lie down together and not rise again;
They have been quenched and extinguished like a wick):
18 “Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
19 “Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.

I'm praying that these women will continue to walk in Him and will spring forth. They will be a new thing. They will bring the Living water in the desert.

Ignite 2011- Sunday Morning

2011-02-02T13:12:00.000-08:00

The Lessons We Can Learn in Prayer by Tom Yeakely
Luke 11:1-13

Pray with the Right Pattern vs 1-4: Prayer is and expression of your heart to God. The amount of prayer isn't what He cares about but your heart. "Hallowed be Your Name": we need to have reverence and realize His power and authority. "Give us our daily bread": pray specifically then you will see specific answers. "Forgive us our sins": if you have unresolved conflicts it will cancel your request. "Lead us not into temptation": God has given satan power to tempt us but we can pray against the temptation. The frequency of temptation isn't a problem but the frequency of sin is.
Pray with Persistence vs 5-10: (Luke 18) Ask: keep on asking. Seek: keep on seeking. Knock: keep on knocking. Daniel 10-a lot happens behind the scene that we don't see or understand. So keep praying.
Pray with the Right Attitude vs 11-13: He has already given you the Ultimate, all the rest is no problem. When He answers you will want to ask Him for more. Pray expecting God to answer you with good. He won't always give you what you want but what is best for you.

Ignite 2011- Saturday Night

2011-02-02T13:03:00.000-08:00

Saturday evening:

Walk By Faith by Tom Yeakely
Hebrews 11:1-13

Enoch vs 5-6: If you want to please God you must live by faith. Faith pleases God: you will find God moving toward you and rewarding you for your acts of faith. God is the object of your faith. He can sustain/support you. If you have a little faith placed in God you can move trees into the sea. God encourages us to ask for the impossible and the possible because they are all the same to Him. Phil 4:19, Psalm 37:4
Abraham and Sarah vs 8: Obey the light that you have-God gives you the next step, maybe 2. If God showed you where you'll be in 10 years from now you would be terrified! "I could never do that..." He shows you step by step for a reason. Pray specifically. Pray according to the faith that you have.
Abraham vs 11: As you walk by faith pray over the promises of God and keep your focus on the Promiser. There are over 30,000 promises in the Bible-which ones are you praying for? James 4:3 if you ask with the wrong motives He won't give it to you. Matthew 7:7 Ask! You won't get what you are praying for if it isn't good for you.

He is the Master Trainer and takes every opportunity to grow your faith. It helps to grow faith muscles by praying for something concrete but praying for people is what is most important.

Ignite 2011- Saturday Morning

2011-02-02T13:02:00.000-08:00

On Saturday we had Deb Enstminger share with the ladies about purity. It is amazing to hear that we all have a problem and want to "Pursue Purity for Life!"

Pursuing Purity for Life! by Deb Entsminger
Two Types of People
Struggling:

Honest
Hidden

Not Struggling:

Drifting: a Christian can't stay in this place long without being convicted by the Holy Spirit
Dead
Satan is getting the victory when we are drifting, dead and hidden. When we are honest and bring our sin to the light to confess what we have done Jesus is faithful and just to forgive us all unrighteousness.

We have a problem:

¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

How do you struggle?

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

The Goal: fighting the good fight till the end of your race!
Paul wrote Romans when he had been a Believer for 25 years. Struggling with sin will continue.

"Never think for a moment that the war against sin is over in this life. There isn't even a cease-fire. Many Generals have been surprised because they were careless after a victory. Countless believers have been ambushed on the heels of a giant step forward in faith...

If you violently war against your flesh, you'll win ground. It will grow weak, and you'll grow in grace into the image of Christ. Still, the work has to be endless as long as we're in this world. If you cut the flesh any slack, you'll watch it regroup and revive. You may even end up worse than you were before." The Enemy Within, Kris Lundgaard, p. 39-40

Attacked From Three Directions:

Enemey: 1 Peter 5:8
World: 1 John 2:15-16
In Us: Galatians 5:17

How Intensely Should We Fight?

Hebrews 12:4
Matthew 5:29-30
Ephesians 5:3
Colossians 3:5

Why is This So Important?

Hebrews 3:13
John 10:10
2 Timothy 2:20-22
Titus 2:11-14
Galatians 6:7-8

How not fighting this battle can ruin your life:

What is pornography? The first part of the word "porne" means immorality and the second part, "graph" means to write, draw, or portray. Pornography is about picturing, imagining, and fantasizing about immorality.
Here are some good resources:
The Porn Myth: http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/
Getting Serious About Pornography: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125382361
Kiss Me Again: Restoring Lost Intimacy In Marriage by Barbara Wilson

What has helped me fight the Good Fight:

Pray the Lord's Prayer. Ask God to help you redeem your imagination! Col 3:1
Put your energy and creativity into memorizing Scripture. Col 3:2, 1 Corinthians 10:13
Remember daily who you are in Him Col. 3:3-4
Search and destroy! Zero tolerance! Eliminate enticements! Col3:5
Keep sharing Jesus with those who don't know Him. Col 3:6-8
Be honest! Share your struggles the moment they start! Col 3:9-10, James 5:16

Ignite 2011- Friday Night

2011-02-02T11:58:00.000-08:00

I had the amazing opportunity to spend this past weekend with over 200 college students all worshiping the Creator the Universe. The theme of the Spring Conference we attended was "Faith and the Promises of God." I would love to share a few of the things we learned through our speaker, Tom Yeakely.

Faith and the Promises of God by Tom Yeakely
"We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised" Hebrews 6:12

Faith: is not an emotional fervor, not anything but simple trust, quiet resting in Him

Doubt: is not the opposite of faith- it just needs more facts
Unbelief: the opposite of faith. Mark 6-the people of Jesus' town couldn't believe He really is the Messiah

Patience:

Hebrews 10:36 "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."
God's time table isn't ours
Abraham and Sarah had to wait 25 years for Isaac
Hold on, it will be a little while longer

The Promises of God

1 John 2:25 "And this is the promise that He has promised us—eternal life. The Christian faith began by believing a promise
"Behold, his soul is puffed up; it is not upright within him, but the righteous shall live by his faith." Habakkuk 2:4 God wants dependent children.
Psalm 37:4 "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Faith is like a muscle. The more you exercise the larger it grows.

2011-01-19T11:41:00.000-08:00

I love these women! I can't tell you how excited I am to get to spend time with them. This semester I'll be reading Trusting God by Jerry Bridges with the women I'm discipling. It is about trusting God in every situation. I read it over Christmas break and connected with everything the author said. It is pretty easy to trust Him in situations that seem easy but how about the ones that are uncomfortable or really difficult? I wanted to read this book with these women to talk about God's sovereignty and reliability. Can we confidently say that He is who He says He is? This is what we'll be exploring and finding this semester as we read God's Word and this book that will help guide us in the journey of finding out His Truth.

Spring is Here!

2011-01-13T12:14:00.000-08:00

The spring semester is underway. We had our first Nav Night on Tuesday and Bible study started again last night. This semester we'll be studying Colossians which I am really excited about. It should be great fun to experience studying inductively with these women. I think it will be a lot of work this semester but well worth it. We added another young lady to our ranks last night, her name is Chantale and she is so passionate about God, His Word and sharing it with others. It is going to be really amazing to see what God is going to do in this group of women this semester.

Tonight I'll be going on campus to bake cookies with some of the women we spent time with last semester. We are hoping to start an Investigative Bible Discussion (IBD) this semester to start talking about spiritual things and hopefully begin reading the Bible. Please pray for this endeavor that God would use it in these women's lives to open their hearts and minds to the Truth of His Word and that He would use it in our lives to strengthen our faith and draw us closer to Him. We are praying for 5 more students to come to Christ this semester and I am praying that 3 would come from this floor. :)

What's in a name?

2010-11-28T20:18:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered what your name means?

First: English meaning of the girl´s name: the laurel tree, symbolic of honor and victory; French meaning of the girl´s name: crowned with laurel

Middle: free man

Last: means "town of peace"

In many cultures names are your identity. I think it is pretty neat that my parents named me with such strong names and how they all work together. I am honored and victorious, free and live in peace (all by God's grace). Just thought this was a cool thing to think about.

2010-11-23T12:38:00.000-08:00

Last week I got an email from my bosses about fund-raising. They pretty much said that if we had not reached at least 86% by this point then we would not make it to 100% by January 1st. I then began to hyperventilate! Great. Really? Finally things are starting to feel "normal" and like it is "worth it." I think that what God keeps reminding is to not write the details to my own story. The God of the Universe, the One who Is and always Will Be can speak into being the whole world, surely He can bring in the last $6,000. He wants to be the author and me to rely on Him for that. After I received that email I was honest with the girls in my Bible study about being anxious and wanting to control the situation. This was an opportunity for me to be vulnerable with them about what is going on and that I really don't have it together.

This week in staff Bible study we studied Ephesians 5 and the section that stood out to me was about submission. I can practice this even now as a woman who isn't married. My application for this week was to do fund-raising. To see it as worship and be obedient to even this part of my job-getting anxious about it is not submitting to God and His sovereignty.

He is providing! I looked at my first post and I was just barely at 10%. Here just a few months later God has raised 84% of my budget. Can He provide the last 16%? Yes, if it is His will and in His timing (just today $675 that I wasn't expecting was in my account). He can write all of the details-I need to wait on Him to do it.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-18T20:35:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. What a fun time to get to spend with family. Please be praying for the women I have the opportunity to minister to. For many of them going home is a hard time and can be really draining. Please pray that they would be filled with grace and pouring it out in these situations.... That they would find their rest and peace in the Lord and not other coping mechanisms that they may be used to.

The past 2 weeks I went through a Bible study with one of the women, Jillian, on Thanksgiving. One question that stood out was, "what can you be thankful for?" and "what things can you be thankful for that aren't necessarily 'good'?" It was good to think through this and even to remember that many don't have a lot to be thankful for by my standards-but they have everything to be thankful for because of God's grace and mercy. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Thank you for your prayers we need them!

Confident Access

2010-11-03T11:06:00.000-07:00

Fall is such a wonderful season. I'm particularly enjoying this one with the new adventure of being to spend quality time with students on campus, living with 7 other wonderful people and getting the opportunity to get to try something new.

One thing I am thoroughly enjoying is Bible study. As a staff team we are studying Ephesians. I can't tell you how many times I have read, studied and heard talks on this book but it is so good to go over again. This week I was struck by Ephesians 2:18 and 3:11. It says that we have confident access through faith in Him. This is something that I know and have known for a long time but I think it goes much further than just the access. Part of what is being said here is, "come to Me, I want to know what is going on and you don't have anything to fear." I wonder if the Ephesians were dealing with shame or guilt and thought that they couldn't approach God. Maybe they thought that they needed a high priest to go before God like in their temple of Artemis or even in the Jewish temple. How often do we just not approach God because we aren't sure if He will hear or that He even wants to hear? I think we should take these verses as an invitation to call out to Him for the little things and the big ones.

Growing Pains

2010-10-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

How do you know when you've made it? How do you know when you are really an adult? You wear the right shoes? Know the right people? Maybe you just don't trip as often... or maybe you do more. Maybe you magically know how to do the things that you thought you'd never know how to do but some how you do now.

What a process it is to grow up...I still don't feel like an adult. I am though and am usually quite offended when someone asks me what grade I'm in, "are your parents home" or "are you even allowed to have car keys because you don't look old enough to drive." Then again, I don't really want to grow up. I want to at least look/act like I'm in my 20's. Maybe I'll know it when I get there or maybe I'll never feel my age.

I'm learning a lot though-guess that's the whole point of the process.

2010-09-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a rough day. I wasn't really sure if I was going to make it through without decapitating someone. Sounds awful, right? Well, to be honest it was until I really started to evaluate...why am I feeling this way? What is the good in throwing a fit right now? Nothing! I was just really overwhelmed by all of the things that needed to get done and felt like it would be impossible to do. I think a lot of it was that I was going to share my testimony and I had forgotten about it until that morning. I shared and it went really well. Actually I'm quite surprised how well it went. It can only be claimed as God's grace because from my point of view I was a bumbling fool in front of 80 or so students, alumni and staff. If you think about it though that is exactly why we share our stories with people. Who really wants to hear from someone who has it all together? I want to know that they are just as human as I am. Maybe that's why Facebook has been so frustrating lately-everyone is so perfect, rarely do you see the dirt come up. When you are advertising yourself why would you want to show off the junk? We had staff Bible study this morning and Deb, our regional director's wife had a really new thought. In Genesis 1 it talks about how the world was formless and void and covered in darkness. God didn't say that it was good until he created and was involved with the creation. He showed off the ugly stuff first. He could have said all of the really awesome stuff and instead He chose to say, "hey I'm willing to show you all of my creation, now won't you reveal all of yourself to me. I already know anyway."

2010-09-10T08:43:00.000-07:00

"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Songs 4:7

"I don't really know if I can believe this. I screw up too much. I know that even my good things are unworthy, I guess I just don't know how anyone can say I don't have any flaws-I can count a hundred. Why can't I believe this?"

This is from my journal two days ago. I was meeting with my mentor who asked me to look at a few passages and see what I thought. This is the last one we came to and I could barely say it out loud... What was inside of me that was keeping me from wanting to finish the sentence? Why do I have such a hard time believing that this is how God sees me?

Yesterday was out Extended Time Alone With God (ExTWAG). I turned on my iPod and listened to a few songs not really intending to hear a Taylor Swift song but a few lyrics caught my attention. I kept hearing this girl longing for this guy she had a crush on and thought this is how my Savior sees me. He has a longing to see me, talk to me wrap His arms around me and tell me over and over how much He loves me. Here's part of the song that I re-wrote that I felt like God was saying to me:

Of all the others tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold
Hey Lauren, boy, you might have me believing
I don't always have to be alone

'Cause I can't help it if you look like my daughter
Can't help it if I wanna hug you in the rain so
Come feel My presence I've been waiting since I made you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help Myself

Hey Lauren, I haven't been holding back this feeling
So I got some things to say to you
I've seen it all, so I knew
I would see you shine the way you do

The way you walk, way you talk, way you say My Name
It's beautiful, wonderful
Hey Lauren, why are people always leaving?
I think you and I should stay and continue growing

Cause I can't help it if you look like my daughter
Can't help it if I wanna hug you in the rain so
Come feel My presence I've been waiting since I made you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help Myself

They're dimming the street lights, you're perfect for me
Why aren't you here tonight?
I'm waiting alone now, so come on and come out
And pull Me near and shine, shine, shine

Hey Lauren, I could give you fifty reasons
Why I should be the one you choose
All those other things, well, they're beautiful
But would they die for you?

Cause I can't help it if you look like my daughter
Can't help it if I wanna hug you in the rain so
Come feel My presence I've been waiting since I made you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help Myself

Cause I can't help it if you look like my daughter
Can't help it if I wanna hug you in the rain so
Come feel My presence I've been waiting since I made you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help Myself

I finished my version and started to read a short book called "The Issue of Shame in Reaching People for Christ." This book not only said a lot of things I already knew about the ache inside but what was true about me. One description of a shame-based person is "the emotional state in which a person feels fundamentally flawed-flawed at the core. Shame says, 'I am bad. I am worthless. I deserve to be punished. I do not deserve to be loved. The problem is not what I've done. The problem is who I am." This is precisely why I couldn't believe that God could say there is no flaw in me because as a shame-based person I know better than that. The Gospel covers all of that even my shame not just my guilt. Romans 3:10-12 "There is no one righteous (guilt and shame), not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God (guilt). All have turned away (guilt); they have together become worthless (shame); there is no one who does good (guilt), not even one." This verse affirms both the guilt and the shame. We stand in need of a Savior.

A quote I found so interesting: "As modern westerners, we resist the notion that we don't deserve love. In truth, we don't deserve God's love. We are uncomfortable with this position. From our theological slant, we insist that because God made us in His image we have inherent value. It's emotionally reasonable that God should love us. After all, He sent Jesus to die for our sins. He ought to love us as humans created in His image. God has no moral obligation whatsoever to extend us His favor." He cast Satan out of Heaven because of His rebellion against God-Satan was created by God.

We have been given the identity of sons and daughters because God chose to love not because of anything we have done. I haven't come to any major conclusions about all of this. I am still trying to figure out how I, someone who feels so worthless but is chosen by God only because He wanted to, is going to continue to live all of this out.

2010-08-14T07:53:00.001-07:00

Back from Cali
I had a great two weeks in California with family. We spent a week on a houseboat and had the opportunity to go wake boarding every day, swimming, lounging around, and generally having a wonderful time. We had some new adventures of surfing at Santa Cruz, that was pretty crazy. It was freezing and the waves were bigger than anything we get at home. Coming back to "real life" was pretty hard to do. The hardest part was realizing that I had to hit fund raising hard. I didn't have a lot of time left before leaving for campus and still only had about 40%.

I've bad a few meetings with people since getting back and talked to some families who are so excited about what God is doing and going to do at FSU. Praise God that I am at 68% of my total budget. I can't believe how close I am to reaching the 75% goal before going to campus. It is incredible to think about the sacrifice that so many are making in order to partner with me to be at a university to share the love of Christ with students who will be this nation's future.

What is God doing this week:
On Wednesday afternoon I arrived in New Smyrna Beach for our first FSU staff meeting of the fall. All of the EDGE Corps staff and our bosses Luke and Katie were there to cast the vision for the fall, let us know what we will be doing and to bond us as a team. We had a fantastic time sharing with each other and getting to know each other well. I am so excited about this group. There will be 3 ladies and 2 guys on our team. I'll be sharing more about them in the future. Luke had us share our testimonies and how God brought us to this place of being on EDGE. The common theme in everyone's story was a person who had great influence to bring them face to face with who God is. Yesterday was our last day there and we heard the last two stories. I was crying as I heard how much God worked in these two lives and how miraculous He did it. I was blown away when I though about angry and bitter these two could have been and yet they are some of the most generous and genuine people I've met. I'm excited about learning from this team as they are impacting lives and sharing Christ with all who are around them.

The Plan
The plan is to move up to Tallahassee this week. I can't tell you how excited I am to finally be heading to campus, get settled in to a new house and be with my team to meet students. Please be praying as I leave I have about 68% of my budget. In order for me to stay on campus through the spring I need 4 more people who would be willing to give $200 a month or 8 people who would be willing to give $100 a month. I am also looking for people who would be willing to give $10, $20, or $30 a month. Please be praying for these people who are considering but haven't made a commitment yet. Thank you to all of you who have given I am so grateful and can't tell you enough what a blessing it is to know that I will have such an amazing support team.

"Come follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." Matthew 4:19

I thought it might be fun to see what EDGE Corps is doing on some other campuses in the US.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cABtdApm7TI

Talk to you soon!

Story Time

2010-07-19T19:24:00.001-07:00

A friend asked me why I'm doing this. I thought that was a great question:

...interesting story. It is definitely better in person with all of the facial expressions and such but I'll try real hard. So my freshman year I was shown a video at Nav Night of "EDGE Corps" and it was so cool! Wow, you can have a job hanging out with college students, reading the Bible every day with someone you are meeting with, and inviting them to events that they would feel like they belonged at? That sounds awesome! But I could never do that...I'll never be good enough for something like that. Well the next year we got our very own team of EDGE, I'll be honest I was none to pleased about this. Why? Well, they were going to take all of the fun out of planning things because they were going to do it all. This was all before I met them. When I first met Stephanie, one of the EDGEers, I thought "wait up, this girl is way too cool for school." As the year progressed not only did I become her friend she became one of my closest friends and one of the most influential women in my life. She started inviting me to hang out, read on the lawn, go to coffee shops to work on Bible study, go run errands and finally to start meeting with her every week. She is the first woman to really ask me hard questions, "Lauren, do you even like God right now, what are you doing in your quiet times, what is your relationship really like with your boyfriend...." and on. I so wanted to be just like her in every way that I could be. That summer she got married to one of the most wonderful men I have ever met. I was in the wedding and was heartbroken to see her leave on her wedding night. Florida State Navs could never be the same, because she was there and she had an impact on me. I took the things that she taught me and took them straight to the girls I was spending time with. I still talk about all of the books and insight she had on things. The following year was my junior year and I realized I wanted to be a Stephanie, I wanted to be like this girl who reached women in a way that I hadn't seen before. She was just real and straight with people-no games but always caring deeply about the heart. That year was one of the most difficult for a lot of reasons. Two of the other extremely influential women in my life also moved away, Rachel and Suzanne. I was left with a hole in my friendship cup- these were big shoes to fill. That's when I realized I wanted to be these women who gave their lives for other women sacrificially so that they would have deep rooted, meaningful relationships with Christ. I spent the next 2 1/2 years doing my best at learning dependence on God and trying to figure out how love people well (and not in a weird creepy way). It came down to this past December I applied for a job with the state and pretty much had it. I would be working with people I know and love but the job itself wasn't something I was sold on. I would have made good money for someone who isn't qualified for the job and be pretty comfortable. I seriously considered doing it. I weighed the pros and cons I prayed and talked to people about it but never felt peace (feelings aren't everything but in this case I KNEW). I went over the verses I had been clinging to: Isaiah 43:4, Psalm 139 and several others. That semester I read through the New Testament the way the early church had received the letters. Over and over I noticed how attentive Jesus was to the little things, he cared about people's needs and more than that about their hearts. As I considered this in the context of this huge decision I realized that He already knew all of the struggles of each and He wanted me to choose. Neither was worse or better than the other. I could give my life away while working for the state- it would be harder but I could do it. My deepest desire (as scared as I was of it) is to spend all of my time and energy towards advancing the Kingdom. I so wanted to know what it was like to do that full time without school or another job keeping me from meeting with one more girl or studying an extra few hours. To be totally honest I hated school but I loved the people that's why I went. I got the grades I needed to stay involved with Navs. So, the decision came down to: am I afraid of raising support-yes! am I so afraid that I would rather not-no. So this December I went ahead full speed and turned in my application, was accepted, went to training, met a lot of wonderful people, and here I am. Learning how to trust God when it is harder than I thought it would be sometimes.

That was really long winded. Hope you were comfortable and had a cup of coffee handy. ;)

Currency

2010-07-17T06:49:00.000-07:00

This week was wonderful because money was coming in I was encouraged by the things I was reading and by friends. The other day was one of those days that was defined by warfare-there really is no other way to put it. I got a call that pretty much whooped me into shape and made me realize how much I still have left to do. Being overwhelmed with the idea of needing to have about 15 face to face fund raising appointments a week until I go to campus I felt like a failure-that this is the whole reason I don't have more money in right now. This is part of the reason, but I wouldn't say the sole reason. I pulled myself together for a meeting with a local pastor who I had been recommended to meet with. He was wonderful-he was completely honest with me and so encouraging. This guy gets it he understands the need for people to be on college campuses who love the Lord. He said something that verbalized what I've been feeling here with family and friends who don't really get what I'm doing. I have currency in Tallahassee, the people up there see me day after day, week after week. They see me struggle and the victories we celebrate together. Here they see me on the rare occasion that I'm actually in town. They don't see the excitement of passing on truth to one of the girls I'm meeting with or making dinner with a group of girls or days when I don't know if any of it is making a difference. I haven't built the currency up with many of the people at home so the challenge is now building currency while I'm in town.

This past week I read through Esther. What an incredible story of faithfulness from a young woman. I was thinking about the events in her life: she didn't have parents, her uncle took her in, she lived as an exile, she was taken off to be a potential wife to a violent king, her people were to be annihilated... Wow! Incredible and through it all she could have said, "I am good enough, I am beautiful and the king has chosen me. I don't need Mordecai or the eunuch's advice." Instead she took what they had to say and did it. The pride that she could have had was replaced with humility. I could say I'm in the same boat. I thought that I had it together and could figure it out but now I'm realizing I should have taken better care to follow the instructions of the people who know what they are doing.

Excersising

2010-07-12T09:58:00.000-07:00

This week I got to spend some quality time with one of the most beautiful women I know. We worked on fund raising together and you wouldn't believe how encouraging that is. As we were about to leave our several hour rendezvous at Panera we prayed. She asked God for a monthly donor that I hadn't expected to tell me by the end of the day. I believed that God could do it but I forgot about it by 10pm. Around then I got a text from a friend I had met with in Tallahassee and he is one of my new monthly supporters! Praise God for having him balance his check book that night and then telling me what he would give. I was floored when I remembered what my friend had prayed for and how God had answered.

Surfing is more than just exercise. After years of swimming competitively I thought this would be a breeze. Haha! There is a lot more to it than I had anticipated. Patience is key-you have to wait for your wave and it usually isn't the first one in a set. Sometimes the one you see far away that looks huge dies and is a speed bump by the time it gets to you. Balance is necessary which I am learning I don't have a lot of. There is a lot of time to think, to spend time processing the day and pray. One of the most influential women in my life called the other day and we talked about the whole gamut of things. We came to fund raising, she did the same job three years ago and completely understands what I'm going through this summer. She brought up a good point. When you exercise you don't necessarily like it in the moment but we love the eventual results. This period that I'm in is much like that. I'm lifting the weights now to prepare my "muscles" for what is to come. Who knows what that will be but with each day of "exercise" I'm that much closer to the goal. After meeting at Panera I had another realization about exercise: we love to do it with people. It is so much more fun to train for a big meet with teammates than do it alone.

2010-07-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

What a day...

I ran into a lady at church who I haven't seen in years a couple of weeks ago and she is the leader of a Bible study group. I'm going to have an opportunity to talk with some girls that are in her Bible study this Sunday. I'm so excited about it because it sounds like there is a range of ages with some college age girls mixed in. God is so great that He would urge me to go to the event this woman was at and that He would stir in her the desire to share what I will be doing with other women. It is cool that I'll even have the opportunity to talk to some future FSU students-maybe some of these girls will be doing this very thing in four years. If you think about it pray for this Sunday: that I would be an encouragement to the ladies there and that I would have the words to say.

Later in the day I went surfing with my brother. These are always such sweet times because it is a fun way to bond and hear about each others lives. Plus I get a sweet tan!

Tonight was a night for phone calls...not my favorite part of the job (I have gotten so many answering machines). After a while it was a bit discouraging. My mom came into the office and asked me how things were going. I broke down in tears frustrated with how things are going. We spent the next hour in prayer for our family and friends. It was such a special time. As we were sitting there praying and talking about things my little sister was in the next room singing worship songs. It is so precious to see God at work in tender hearts. I was thinking about the faith of a child and how precious and innocent it is. We get glimpses of how God wants us to approach Him. Lord please give me the courage it is going to take today and the rest of my life to live for you with the faith of a child.

2010-07-05T11:21:00.000-07:00

I am a part of the 2010 EDGE class! I am so excited about this new adventure God has called me to. What an honor it is to be able to share Christ with students on a daily basis as my job.

This summer has been quite a challenge and walk of faith. I went out to Colorado for training and learned how to fund raise. I am fully supported by friends, family and local churches so I can be on campus full time. I had a fantastic time out there meeting new friends and seeing old ones. The challenge came when I returned to Florida and realized I have to put this into practice now. I have so enjoyed seeing the generosity of people in my community-they get it and want to see young ladies at FSU reached. How cool is it that I am building a team of partners who will go with me prayerfully and financially to a campus of 45,000 students.

I just came back from a trip up to Tallahassee and was so encouraged by friends. I drove around the city day dreaming about all of the amazing things God could accomplish in the fall and then was struck with the realization that He can do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine. Wow, that's a lot! Praise God for what He is going to do!